Here’s one bad effect that is always with me. I never, ever feel like I belong anywhere. I always feel like I am there on sufferance. And I can’t wait to get back to my apartment: my sanctum santorum where I can be alone again.
And I have a hard time leaving my safe place. I completely withdrew for almost 3 years, no family no friends. If someone invited me someplace I would accept but then UH OH! too sick to go, so sad, thanks, but can’t go. Now I am afraid I have hurt so many others by this self imposed exile I force my self to go.
Then comes the hard part: try to act normal while planning my escape. My skin crawls, I get sweaty, anxiety grows- it’s not easy. Sometimes I just drift out without saying goodbye. I just disappear. I think that’s called an Irish leave. A couple of my loved ones know that I have reached a tipping point and I gotta get out! Just gotta get out!!! I think they understand. I hope they do.
What about you? Ever feel like this?
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