I thought I remembered eveything

rats! an ugly memory of an incestual assault popped up from who knows where! curses!
does that men there are more skulking in my brain? forgotten but no forgotten? sounds, and sights, and smells, feelings and shame, and feeling of hopelesness and despair. i feel betrayed by my memory. i want to say “bring it! bring it all! i can handle it. but that feels like whistling past the graveyard. and it makes me angry. makes me want to lash out! scream and holler and denounce! but who? and how will that help?
but maybe that’s the end, because my mind feels empty somehow: used up. and i am sad. so sad.

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